My Baby Tried to Kill Me

It was 2017. I was pregnant with my third kid in three years, so I was pretty familiar with the process. She was due in May, and I already knew her birthday would be the 15th.

Flashback: Two weeks after my due date with baby one, I was induced. I labored for 30 hours before that child needed to be brought into this work via csection.

Flashback to one year after the first flashback: Because the second baby was born too soon after the first baby, it was highly recommended to me that I have a repeat csection. So, I did!

Back to 2017: So this is, of course, going to be another csection. But at about 34 weeks, I started feeling this intense, stretching pain. I knew it wasn’t contractions or kidney stones because I had experienced them both previously. It was the kind of pain that doubled me over and would happen about 2-3 times daily.

Obviously I didn’t say anything to the doctor about it, because I was a professional baby maker and knew they’d be like, “Oh honey, those are just pregnancy pains! Make sure to take one Tylenol each day to alleviate the pain!” Yeah… that’ll do the trick. Amiright?!

Fast forward to 37 weeks pregnant: I was still having having the crazy pain, but now my ankles started to itch intensely. I thought “Well, this is new!” So I consulted my number 1 doctor bestie… the internet. She told me to call the doctor immediately because I could die and so could the baby and also anyone who ever has come into contact with me ever.

I picked up the phone and speed dialed the doctor right up. They were a little scary urgent and told me to go get blood tests right away and also make sure my hospital bags were packed. WHAT IS HAPPENING!!

It turns out I had something called cholestasis, which is pregnancy hormones effecting the bile flow in the liver, and it can be danger for the baby. My levels were borderline, take the baby right now or just monitor the remainder of the pregnancy. We decided to monitor her and I had multiple stress tests the last two weeks.

Now, the cholestasis had nothing to do with the searing pain, but it still plays an important part…

The day finally came for us to meet our sweet Kamden English. They took me through the preparation routine that I was all too familiar with… but this time as they cut me open, no one spoke and before I knew it, the baby was out and crying. Jacob followed her for the checkup/cleanup process.

The anesthesiologist turned to me and said, “WOW! That’s the fastest I’ve ever seen them deliver a baby via csection!” And I didn’t really think anything of it until I heard my beloved doctor say, “I should have taken this baby two weeks ago when she was diagnosed with cholestasis.”

WHAT?!

After I was sewn back up and my fulopian tubes were removed (because no thanks on the more babies) the doctor came up to me. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. Your uterine walls were so thin, I could see the baby through your uterus. If you didn’t want me to remove your tubes, I would have done it anyway. There is no way you can have any more babies and I’m just happy everything is ok.”

All those intense pains I was feeling were from Kam standing straight up in my belly, literally ripping my uterus.

Since then, she continues her attempts on killing her mother from lack of sleep, falling and smacking her head off things, and putting every possible choking hazard in her mouth.

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