Our Haywire Honeymoon: Day 1

Our honeymoon wasn’t just about celebrating the start to our beautiful marriage, but also it prepared us for the messy, realistic life ahead.

Because of my then work schedule, we planned our honeymoon for one month after our wedding. By the time we actually left, we had a ton of built up anticipation and high expectations. We went to an all inclusive resort in Punta Cana. When our airplane landed in the Dominican Republic, we were greeted with tequila shots and I thought, “Um, I want to be welcomed in to all places this way!” What I didn’t realize they were doing was liquoring us up for the drive to the resort. And by “drive” I mean death trip.

When you exit the airport, you find the appropriate shuttle to your designated resort. The shuttles are these 10-12 passenger vans, some are enclosed, some are not. Apparently the traffic laws in the DR are more of guidelines, because we were swerving into oncoming traffic to pass vehicles, nearly escaping head on collisions every other minute. After about the twelfth time this happened, I finally unclenched and just embraced the beginning of the adventure.

(This is a picture of me fearing for my life in the shuttle.)

Following the most excruciating hour and 20 minutes of my life, we finally pulled up to our resort, and it was incredible. We were immediately handed champagne and escorted to our honeymoon suite. Now, listen closely, because the layout of our room is imperative to our story.

When you walked in the door, the bathroom was off to the right. The double sink area was open to the rest of the room and a door lead to the toilet and shower. The shower had glass panels on both sides, so the showering person was visible from the toilet and also the main bedroom area. If you were sitting on the bed, you could look through the shower to see the toilet. There was a beautiful, large jacuzzi tub in between the shower and the bed. At the far end of the room, two grand sliding doors lead to our private deck that overlooked a gorgeous garden filled with exotic foliage and also probably some terrifying wildlife.

We got right down to business, threw on our bathing suits and headed for the beach. On the way there, we stopped at one of the many, MANY bars and picked up a fancy, tropical drink inside a carved out coconut. While there, we started talking to another couple who had also just arrived, and we thought we really hit it off! As we walked away, we were like, “Man! We are so cool! We are already making vacation friends!”

(Said coconut drink)

Then we beached and we drank, and then pooled. And then drank more. Until it was time to go back to the room and get ready for dinner. We showered and such and made our way back to the restaurants.

Each restaurant had a sign outside with food options and a dress code. We noticed a large majority required men to wear pants… that Jacob did not bring. We settled for this little pizza place that allowed shorts and decided to set out to find pants the next day. It ended up being a great meal, and we moved on to the next event of the evening.

A Michael Jackson show was beginning in the next few minutes so we found some decent seats. As we sat there, our friends from earlier passed by us. We tried to get their attention, and they did glance in our direction, but moved hurriedly to their seats… WITH ANOTHER COUPLE! Jacob and I were forced to evaluate our encounter. “Were we too desperate?” “Did I try to be too funny?” “You could have been a little more vocal, Jake!” But our deep self-loathing was interrupted by the amazing show!

When we got back to our room, we were pretty tired, and fell right to sleep.

Tune in next time to learn about the rest of our trip and questions will be answered, like:

1. Will Jacob find pants or will Erin be forced to eat alone all week?

2. Do they make friends with the couple that blew them off?

3. Why does the hotel layout matter so much?

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