The Grocery Store: A Complex Journey

When your 2 year old son is a type 1 diabetic and your husband has the pallet of a kindergartner, grocery shopping sucks. HARD. Let me take you through the struggle of feeding our family.

The first thing you need to do is make an extremely detailed list, full of necessities. Next (and this part is crucial) forget your list on the counter, only to realize you forgot your list as you’re pulling into the parking lot.

Park as close as you can to a cart return area, because you’re a good person and would never even imagine leaving your cart in the middle of the parking lot.

As you enter the store, make sure to always, and I do mean ALWAYS, pick the cart that is impossible to steer because of the one very squeaky, very sticky wheel in the front left.

You need to start with produce. That way, by the end of your shopping trip, your tomatoes and grapes will be totally crushed.

Good news about vegetables, most of them are free of carbs, which is great for a T1 snack when you don’t want to administer an insulin shot. (Fun Fact: other free foods include meat, cheese, eggs, and peanut butter)

Don’t buy vegetables for husband and 3 year old daughter. They will not eat them. Ever. Unless you count pickles as a vegetable. They’ll eat the crap out of pickles.

Moving on to breakfast foods. And breakfast is THE WORST. T1 eats either mini muffins(27 g) or sugar free oatmeal (19g/packet) with a Chobani yogurt tube (6g). Wouldn’t it be magical if your husband and 3yo also ate these things?! Well, they don’t. They HATE them. Instead they want cereal and Pop Tarts. Only wizards can correctly insulin dose for cereal. I am not a wizard.

Snacks. Always pay $3 extra for the individually packaged snack bags because you’re too lazy to count out 14 single chips/pretzels/Goldfish for your T1. Also make sure to buy the pretzel nuggets that are the exact size of your child’s windpipe because those are your husband’s favorite. No, not those. They don’t have enough salt. Yes, those. The one’s that cost $5.99.

Time for low treats! These are for when the T1’s blood sugar goes low and he needs sugar. In the interest of keeping this piece light, I won’t go into the horrible happenings of going too low. Google it.

Buy the candy that you love the very best so that when all the kids are in bed, you can knock out 6 fun sized bags of Skittles, 4 Reese’s Cups, and 9 Hershey Kisses. This will ensure that you never lose the last 20 pounds of baby weight.

Drinks should be easy, right? Wrong. You need apple juice boxes for lows and a box of Hugs because they’re only 2g of carbs for one whole barrel! This is very exciting so don’t forget to triumphantly pump your fist in the air for discovering such a find.

Ok, that’s good for the kids, but your husband would rather light himself on fire than drink water on a regular basis. He wants soda, and he’s not picky. Just make sure it’s the cheapest you can find, and are name brand, and no sprite, and also must have caffeine. You know what, make it cans. So basically buy 4 boxes of Coke cans.

We’re in the homestretch. Dairy/bread isle. You pick up a gallon of milk, eggs, Italian white bread, multigrain thin bread (9g), and string cheese (T1 staple).

And the last thing is for you. Creamer for your coffee, because that’s the only reason you’re still standing. Dear, sweet coffee.

Get in line, pay, and load your car. Push cart into cart return and drive away. Remember that you forgot toilet paper on the way home. Good thing you order baby wipes from Amazon… because you are NOT going back.

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